At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize