I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
