why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
