Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
