Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
