I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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