He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
