I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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