the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
