I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
