apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
