just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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