If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
