He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
