Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
