today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
