dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
