I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
