all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
