Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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