I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
