I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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