If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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