I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
