you mean i was at the winter classic?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
