i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
