pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
