I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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