I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
