I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
