I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
