just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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