just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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