You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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