I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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