Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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