i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
