your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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