your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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