your thong is hanging out like whoa
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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