I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
