sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
