so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
