The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
