And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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