You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
