What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
