I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
