the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
