I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
