i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
