Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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