We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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