Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
