thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
