escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
