Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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