Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
