So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
