yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
accomplished twins. life is a go
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
