i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
