I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
