he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
organizing the empties. That sober.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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