need another drink. this is the easiest way
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
