you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
someone owes me an orgasm
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
