I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize