Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
