Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
