I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
